Why Cleaning Feels Impossible (And It’s Not Your Fault)

Find the video essay for this blog here:

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If you’ve ever looked around your messy room and thought, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just do this?”… Then this post is for you.

It’s frustrating, right? You want to clean, but something keeps you stuck. We’re going to break down exactly why cleaning feels so hard, even when you genuinely want to do it, and how you can start overcoming that resistance. Plus, I’ll share a free resource at the end that will help you take real action.

Here's what we'll cover:

• Why cleaning feels like an impossible task, even when you’re motivated to do it

• What’s actually going on in your brain, and why it’s not about laziness

• The truth about self-sabotage, executive dysfunction, and analysis paralysis

• And some gentle first steps to help you break free and start moving forward
  

Part 1: Let’s Talk About the Guilt

Most people don’t talk about how emotional cleaning can be. But let’s be honest—it’s not really about the cleaning itself. The deep-rooted feelings tied to productivity are guilt and shame (and even panic when someone unexpectedly drops by).

You might look at the dishes and think, “They never stop. I never keep the kitchen clean the way I want it.” You might even assume that everyone else is managing their space perfectly, making you feel like something is wrong with you.

The funny thing is, you’re likely far more understanding and gracious toward others when they can’t keep up with their chores. But it feels like a personal failing when it’s your own space. This is because we’ve been conditioned to believe that a clean space equals control, discipline, and worth.

When you can’t achieve that, it doesn’t just feel like you’ve missed a task—rather, that you’re failing as a functioning adult. But the truth is, this isn’t about willpower. It’s about how your brain processes and makes decisions.

Part 2: What Is Executive Dysfunction?

Executive dysfunction is one of the most misunderstood mental blocks. It’s not just about forgetfulness or procrastination. It’s a real difficulty with tasks such as:

• Starting tasks

• Planning out steps

• Switching between activities

• Preparing to act

When you want to clean but cannot physically get started, or you spend hours thinking about it but still don’t move, that’s not laziness. That’s executive dysfunction.

Your brain isn’t saying “no.” It’s saying, “I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how to transition. I feel stuck.”

This can be especially true if you’re neurodivergent, dealing with trauma, or have a history of abuse. Executive dysfunction often becomes a coping mechanism adopted to help you feel safer. For example, if you were raised with the belief that perfection was the only option, you might freeze when faced with a task out of fear it won’t be perfect.

Part 3: When Perfectionism Becomes Self-Sabotage

You’ve probably heard this before: “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.” But this kind of perfectionism isn’t just about being a high-achiever. It’s self-sabotage disguised as survival.

You might tell yourself, “I’ll clean the whole apartment this weekend.” But when the weekend comes, you feel too tired, overwhelmed, or blocked to start, so you do nothing. And then the guilt sets in.

The shame spiral begins. You start thinking, “I should be able to do this. Why can’t I get it together?” Now, the bar is set even higher, and the pressure to do it perfectly makes starting even harder.

The good news is that you don’t need to do it all. You just need to start small—really small. Done imperfectly, it is always better than perfect never started.

Part 4: The Invisible Weight of Analysis Paralysis

Sometimes, it’s not the task itself that’s hard. It’s figuring out where to begin.

Do I start with the laundry or the kitchen? Should I vacuum first or wipe the counters? What if I forget something? What if I waste time doing the wrong thing?

This is called analysis paralysis. It’s when your brain is so caught up in making the “best” plan that it does nothing.

It’s not a time problem. It’s not a motivation problem. It’s a decision-making problem. And it’s exhausting.

The solution? Clarity. One next step. It's not a full plan—just a simple, low-pressure action.

For example: Pick up the trash bag. Press play on some music. Fill the sink. That's enough.

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I know that breaking the perfectionism cycle can feel overwhelming. That’s why I’ve put together something to make this process easier for you.

The 5-Day Action Plan is designed to help you take small, manageable steps toward your goals, without the pressure to be perfect. Over the next five days, I’ll guide you through simple tasks that break down more significant challenges so you can start building momentum and see actual results.

Want to make real progress without feeling stuck or overwhelmed? Grab your free 5-Day Action Plan here. It’s time to take action; this plan will give you the exact steps to start today.

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Part 5: The Shame Loop and “Future Me” Myth

How often have you told yourself, “I’ll do it tonight,” only for the night to pass and still feel that weight on your shoulders?

Or maybe you’ve said, “Tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up early and clean.” But when morning comes, you’re just as tired, and the guilt creeps back in.

We often rely on the version of ourselves that doesn’t exist—the one who magically has energy, motivation, and clarity when we don’t. And when that version doesn’t show up, we feel like we’ve failed again. So we push it off even more, and the shame grows heavier.

This is the cycle that keeps you stuck. But the way out isn’t to do it all—it’s to break the cycle gently, one doable action at a time.

Part 6: How to Start When You’re Frozen

You don’t need motivation. You need momentum.

Here’s a simple way to break through the freeze:

• Set a five-minute timer.

• Tell yourself you don’t have to finish anything—you just have to start.

• Lower the bar so the goal feels so small it almost feels silly.

For example:

• Open the dishwasher.

• Wipe one counter.

• Pick up the socks on the floor.
  

That’s it. The point isn’t to build discipline. The point is to build trust with yourself again. Starting doesn’t have to feel good. It just has to feel safe enough to try.

I had a call with a woman recently who had just moved (twins!). The boxes stared at her every day, toying with her. They whispered doubts and laughed about how she could never follow through on what she said she wanted to do. All of the advice on the internet just advised her to “take one small step.” But this is what I said to her.

“Tomorrow, I want you to cut into one box and look inside. That’s it for that day. Then, the next day, put away whatever you can see on the top after mentally preparing yourself for where it goes. The following day, put away the next thing you can see and nothing else. And then, all of a sudden, you’ve begun to follow through on yourself, and you have proof that you can do the things you said you would. It may be going slower than “perfect you” would like, but it wasn’t getting done at all, now was it?”

Ending: Final Thoughts and Gentle Reminder

If you’ve been blaming yourself for feeling stuck, I hope this post gives you the words to understand what you’ve been going through. You are not lazy. You are not broken. Your brain needs a different kind of support. You can get there and don’t have to do it perfectly.

It might be dark for a while. You may be sitting in the corner of your room after a long day of struggling, barely making any progress, and just feel overwhelmed by the deep spiral that has latched onto you and threatens to pull you under. Those seasons can be exhausting and make you want to give up altogether.

I’m not promising you a quick fix here. Whether you stick to helpful tips on the internet, essays like these, or decide to work with me, it’ll take just that. Work. But here’s what I do promise: that I and everyone else who understands your pain will sit in the darkness with you. I know how isolating it can be when no one, even your family, understands the weight you’re bearing every day. You feel helpless because no one you grew up with or saw in school struggled to do things they loved, not the way you do. But I understand, and so do hundreds of others. If only for a little reprieve, let us sit in the darkness with you—and then we’ll face tomorrow together.

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If you’re serious about making a change and finally breaking the cycle of perfectionism and self-sabotage, I want to invite you to something special.

A discovery call is your opportunity to see if you're truly ready to take action and stop stewing in overwhelm. This is your chance to explore whether The Intrinsic North Star is the right fit for you and if now is the time to commit to real change.

The Intrinsic North Star is designed to help you break free from the cycle of perfectionism, executive dysfunction, and overwhelm. I know you’ve tried everything before, so this program is built with the love and dedication of someone who has walked the same path and overcome the same struggles.

If you're ready to stop letting perfectionism hold you back and take the first step toward a fundamental transformation, book a call now. Let’s see if this is the right moment for you to take action—and stop letting overwhelm control your life.

Thanks so much for reading. I’m here in this corner of the internet as long as you need me. While you're here, let me know in the comments. Which part of this hit home for you? What do you wish more people understood about this?

Always with you in the darkness,

Anna